I wonder when I became just someone you knew in college. The memory of our friendship is closer to you than I am. All of our what-ifs and daydreams. The futures we planned that just ended up as to do lists in the back of junk drawers.

When did I disappear from your top five? These messages between us just memes and pleasantries. We’ve got homes, loans, partners, and sometimes whole human beings we made. But no more time for each other. 

There are still days where I reach for the faded photograph of us. We’re so blurry around the edges, but happy in the peripheral. I can taste the shitty college beer and secondhand kisses. Still feel your warmth on my skin. Maybe if I’d left some lines unblurred we’d have stood the test of time. 

Now all we are is Christmas cards and wish you wells. Facebook hearts and Instagram likes. Just passing ships. Ghosts of the friendship that was there. It’s so lonely here in the absence of our friendship.

I never wanted growing up to mean growing apart. Now we’re just stories we’ll tell our kids, instead of aunties and uncles. I thought I loved you more than nostalgia. Maybe it’s okay we only exist in the past. Maybe we’re only meant to be chapters and footnotes, not whole stories.

I’ll still leave your room made for you in my heart. Just in case.