I was young enough to believe in some type of fate
the universe had to have pushed us together
it was so hard to make our relationship work because we were meant to be
and every time you said I love you, I believed it
I made it a tenet of who I was
Built my life around that love
Let it be the fire that fueled me
The pillars that held me up

I was old enough to know a little bit better
there was no force beyond manipulation that brought us together
it was hard to make our relationship work because you wanted me quiet and compliant, none of the messy parts and never in public
Every time you said I love you it became another link in a chain
I made it my job to understand your double meanings
Collapsed myself into that love
Let it be the shadow that kept me in the dark
The sinister voice in my head

I wonder how much of it was truly malicious
When you told me you would die if I left
That I was the love of your life
That you’d love me more if I was just a little less
That you didn’t need to touch me in public, don’t be disgusting
What was meant to hurt and what was just words to you?
And why can I still recall it years later, like it was just said yesterday?

I think all loves leave marks, I just wish the love you gave was more like a freckle and less like a scar.
I wish you were less like a scar.